A Journey Through Wholeness
A personal journey, A spurge to faith
An invitation
The journey through wholeness, is a constant practise of Faith and obedience. It is an intentional walk, directed toward embracing, understanding and accepting your destiny as God attempted for it to be. Although set backs, suffering, injustice are inevitably part of the process; important indicators such as decisions making, moreover acknowledgement of our limited state of being are crucial to embrace contentment, whilst keeping your eyes on higher grounds. Why a journey through wholeness rather than happiness? Because failing to acknowledge that we are sojourners and not citizen of this material and spiritually fallen world, robe yourself from experiencing from living a meaningfull life. With lies and deceptions blurring your mind, you are constantly on a journey of pursuing "happiness", an outwardly conceptualised fixation , quite frankly a chimera of completeness.
Happiness is a fluctuating emotion, ever changing as mood, trials and challenges present themselves on your journey; unless you sized it and decide to choose optimism over gloominess, your mind wired by multiples underlaying psychological processes. Then you will gradually construct internal working memory, turning them into schema (psychological patterns) which, once neurologically heighten will be part of your biological automated responses to live circumstances. They are so many factor dictating human behaviour, but the mind is one powerful tool, (to those to whom the privilege is given) a baseline , lenses lenses throughout which you perceive and understand the world around you.
What I am attempting to convey here is that there is no perfect life, and aiming ti chase after fool golds will just make you run on empty. Not saying that life is a sad canva of tragic and upsetting episodes, but it is part of it. In all thing there is a balance and life offers both moment of rejoicement and moment for mourning , Its reminds me of the king Solomon and one of my favourite scripture in the bible : there is a time and season for everything …
But ultimately it is all vanity as ( put the verses) and the pursuit of happiness, which seems to be at the baseline of many model of capitalist societies, and without a warning to the danger of ever looking to only one side of the coin, you may fall in an endless loop of emptiness never ever satisfied, stealing away from the essence of the redeemed self in Christ .
Lost, (as many could and/ or can relate) I was searching to understand the meaning of life and desperate as I was, I turned to prayer. At that time I was already acknowledging a higher power but could not relate to no one in the spiritual level didn't give him a name as I thought that all belief point toward the same being but people and many culture give it a different name. I didn't know whom to address my prayer. May be the circumstances and the western society I partially emerged from, after leaving French Guiana, could potentially influenced my choice to turn my heart to Jesus rather than other deity profess by men and women of different faith.
My journey, has been fastidious , one of my friend told me at the top of her 34 years old if she had live many lives in one , starting from rock bottom . I immediately related to that feeling of renewal ... experiences have changed the individual that I am
moreover What will you profit if you gain the whole world and forfeits your soul? Or what shall you give in return for your soul? Matthew 16:26 ESV. The pursuit of happiness, seems to be at the baseline of many model of capitalist societies, and without a warning to the danger of ever looking to only one side of the coin, you may fall in an endless loop of emptiness
How did I come to Christ or how did Christ come to me
As you can perceive, reflection seems to always have been part of my heritated personality trait. Just reflecting about my piece of diary, (me) counting on my fingers how old would I be down to 25 years that is irresonable (smile). But, for fact, I always being questioning and reasoning about self and the world existing around us. I knew nothing about GOD, nevertheless wondering about earth and matters that encompasses our being have constantly been present, since a very young age, 7 appears to be my life o be to be precise, random questions such as why do we have to wear clothes and why do we live in a bubble... Those thoughts were extremely vivid and I knew I will get to the bottom of them. And what life was about , is it just a matter of achievement, having money and displaying it to the rest of the society to feel some sort of acceptance and be part of the I made it. Is it having a family but why and then dying.
I was lost and desperate to find answers to those questions, furthermore after many years of struggle I found no ways of real satisfaction ( neither professionally , personally or even spiritually ) not loving the world , feeling different I wasn’t an atheist believing in a supreme power but not having any connection or sort of revelation of who GOD was . From this point I was seeking to reach out to GOD without realising the process I was in . Uncomfortable within myself I was trying to fix this brokeness , with no success and more depressed . One day I remember one of my friend encouraged me to read the bible and pray , thing which was a line with my desire to live a spiritual life through divine revelation of the Almighty but without the religious side that I disliked with a passion and thus completely rejected. After few unfruitful attempt to church , unsatisfied and still in my quest of living a life of purpose . I decided through an opportunity in December 2011 to I leave France and I made a prayer asking GOD that if it was real to reveal Himself to me personally with His onw mouth but not through legalistic Laws and regulations . Arrived in London in january 2012 , my life has been completely shaken ups side downs , like never before I touch the ground this time , not only desperate spiritually I also was homeless with no money left on my account , no paper , no work , no bible. I was working on Portabello market and my bag had been stolen. From there I really started to look for GOD and I wanted to touch Him to grabs something that I could perceive . I was spending night and days trying on my mobile phone and some material to have a climbs of the revelation that will satisfied my thirst and will breakthrough this question “ why Jesus ” and not someone else … why the cross , what it is Sin . Did I have done something wrong ? why should I accept Him and recognise Him as the Lord and saviour of my life as the bible says . Finally after searching for something that could make sense , without following a blind faith , I had this revelation of Jesus Christ in April 13 2O13 , I was in my a stranger's room who became my friend in London , reading the chapter of Romans 5 on internet , and this point , the revelation fall on me like a shower , I couldn’t believe it , all this time I was looking for Him , looking to breakthrough , I couldn’t expressed my gratitude and my helplessness , I repentant . I crying so much I couldn’t stop . No words could come out of my mouth either french or english , such revelation blow my mind , that I started to speak in a different language that couldn’t explain . I understood later one I burstout in tongues , not knowing what was happening to me , I carried on praying in heavenly language for more than 4 hours . It was so marvellous . He was GOD Himself pouring out His Spirit upon Me . I felt released at this time . I cried and since I believe that I am walking in my destiny by the grace of GOD . I felt released at this time .
My name is Priscilla , I was born in France and I grew up in French Guiana ( south America ) where I spent 15 years of my childhood . At a certain point of my life I was forced to go back to France on my years of 18 and lived there 7 years . However I leave ( business, friends, network ) all thing behind me to come to England the 18 of January 2012 and thereafter my real quest for the truth about GOD started .
• What I was doing in France :
No words could come out of my mouth either french or english , such revelation blow my mind , that I started to speak in a different language that couldn’t explain . I understood later one I burstout in tongues , not knowing what was happening to me , I carried on praying in heavenly language for more than 4 hours . It was so marvellous . He was GOD Himself pouring out His Spirit upon Me . I finally find the secret and purpose of life , and since I believe that I am walking in my destiny by the grace of GOD . I felt released at this time .
.
• I always being questioning and reasoning about self and the existing world around us . I didn’t know anything about GOD expect from my religious catholics youth background .
• After many years of struggle and failure starting from a personal point which extended to educational and professional , I found no ways of real satisfaction , even though externally , I was achieving more than those of my generation , having a business in entertainment and working as a model in few foreigners country. Nevertheless I was empty and nothing could satisfied me .
• I started to question everything that I was believing in or even did not questioned before , such as my identity , remembering my 7 years childhood , time when I first started to wonder about it . Who I was ? What was the purpose of life ? Those question went deeper .
• I was desperate to find answers , realising that I was completely lost with no foundation that could sustain me .
• I was afraid to engage with religion . After few unfruitful attempt to church , unsatisfied and still in my quest of living a life of purpose . I decided through an opportunity in December 2011 to I leave France and I made a prayer asking GOD that if He was real to reveal Himself to me personally .
. Arrived in London in january 2012 , my life has been completely shaken . I heat the ground this time in the deepest way that I never experienced before not only desperate spiritually I found myself deprave from everything ( which was not the first time ) but now I had no resources , no family or close friend to help , no ID paper , I was empty in both way . My situation r.